Fukuzawa Yukichi
If your coworker gets naked in front of the boss’ wife
Philosopher | 10 January 1835 – 3 February 1901

Around three years ago, I was at a house party of this person who always looks after me, and I made a blunder.

I forgot that it was someone else’s home, and I had too much to drink. Unable to even properly sit in a chair, each time I stood up to go to the toilet I always sent the chair flying. As someone who happens to urinate frequently, I get the feeling I wasn’t a fan favorite of anyone there.

Every time, I would fall off the chair and crash into the table like I was a bowling ball, knocking down people’s glasses in perfect rhythm. My articulation was mumbled; a repetitive, slurred mess of “I’m fiiine, I’m fiiine!”

I was not fine.

Eventually, I was ordered to sit down on the sofa. The one thing I do remember in striking detail is the wife’s fed-up facial expression. I even vaguely remember her saying something to me, but by that point I was gone, so unfortunately I do not recall what that something was.

Even if your superior happens to be someone who is sympathetic to drunks, whether or not their family members share a similar tolerance is a different matter entirely. Of course, this is something that even grade school children can intuitively understand without anyone having to specifically explain it to them. But that’s the sad thing about us drunks—so impaired is our ability to think straight, we forget even basic life truths.

Surprisingly, even Fukuzawa Yukichi—the same person who wrote An Encouragement of Learning—once made a drunken mess of himself in front of his boss’ family.

Born in 1835 in Nakatsu, Buzan (now: Nakatsu, Oita), Yukichi was the youngest of five siblings. He left to study in Nagasaki at the age of 19, and the following year he started his studies of Dutch sciences at Osaka’s Tekijuku, a private school established by doctor Ogata Koan. After the Meiji Restoration, while serving the shogunate, he concentrated his efforts on education and public speaking. One of the more famous people born around the time of the restoration, to this day many people know him as “that man on the 10,000 yen bill” or as “the founder of Keio University.”

Yukichi’s philosophy was rooted in independence and self-respect. Or, to put it more simply, “live and let live.” That is to say, don’t lose yourself in society’s values, but stick to your own. He stressed the importance of making judgements based on one’s own reasoning; something which transcended the values held by things like “the organization” or “the collective.”

Aside from An Encouragement of Learning, he also wrote An Outline of a Theory of Civilization and other works which had great impact on modern Japan. If Yukichi was a cassette tape, then this stuff was his “A side.” (It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for me to be talking about a Meiji era fellow and choosing cassette tapes as my metaphor—the things are pretty much an endangered species in this day and age—but you get what I’m saying.) In any case, Yukichi’s true essence was his “B side,” and that side is something we can not discuss without the mention of alcohol.

Just to give you an example from the days he was a student at Ogata Koan’s private school…

Yukichi had been drinking earlier that evening, and now he was asleep upstairs. Suddenly, someone began calling for him from downstairs. “Mr. Fukuzawa! Mr. Fukuzawa!” Having only just managed to fall asleep, Yukichi was instantly in a bad temper. Seeing as someone was calling for him, he had no choice but to get up.

“Shut your damn mouth, woman! What the hell are you shrieking about?!” Stark naked, he ran down the stairs and yelled, “What is it, goddammit?!” As he came to a stop and stood there, he found in front of him not his maidservant like he had expected, but Koan’s wife.

Yukichi, flustered and naked as a jaybird, obviously couldn’t even bow to her, and the wife simply backed away without saying a word.

Even the next day, he was unable to go and apologize for losing it like that while completely nude. In fact, much to his regret, he was ultimately never able to apologize before her eventual passing.

There are things that us people living in modern society can learn from Yukichi’s behavior.

When something causes you to become embarrassed, the first thing you should do is to shut up. It’s something that never gets mentioned in biographies of this great man, but if you happen to get caught naked and there’s nowhere for you to run, obviously your only choice then is to be silent.

Despite Yukichi’s actions that day, he is still depicted on our 10,000 yen bills even today. Similarly, when the average salaryman gets in a pinch, perhaps their best bet is not to try and get out of said pinch, but simply to keep their head down and not say anything.

Some of you Keio alumni might be outraged. You might be thinking, “Well, excuse you! Professor Fukuzawa would never do something so disgraceful!” But I am by no means exaggerating in my retelling of this story. Don’t believe me? Just read Yukichi’s autobiography, Fukuou Jiden, and find out the frosty-cold truth of it for yourself.

Even before his naked assault towards Koan’s wife, Yukichi along with his friends was involved in another nudity incident.

He and his pals had been drinking, and they figured they’d go resume their drinking by the clothesline outside. However, they found some girls already out there cooling themselves off. Hoping to get these pesky girls out of the way, one of Yukichi’s friends had the bright idea of bursting out in front of them completely naked, successfully driving them off as they screamed in a panic. Our friends managed to snatch up the spot as planned, and they drank merrily.

Just how much did this guy and his friends enjoy being naked? At the time they might have gotten away with it, chalking it up to youthful indiscretion. But today, people on social media would no doubt tear them a new one.

These days, whenever a scandal of some kind occurs at Keio University, people like to use the expression, “Yukichi is crying.” But make no mistake: in the past it was Yukichi and his buddies who were making people cry.

While even just these nudity incidents alone are pretty shocking, if you actually read Fukuou Jiden, you’ll be bowled over learning about all these stories involving alcohol. When you hear all his excuses in regards to his inability to stay away from booze, it might drastically change your image that we 21st century people have of this “man on the 10,000 yen bill.”

For starters, even just this one anecdote from his childhood is quite baffling. One time, Yukichi’s mother made him get a haircut which he didn’t like. In order to get him to do so, she successfully bribed her child by saying, “Come on, I’ll let you have a drink.”

While in the book Yukichi makes it out to sound like just another example describing his own brilliance, I can’t help but feel like there’s a major issue that he’s failing to notice here…

Well, at least it tells us that he was a genuine booze lover.

Even after pursuing his studies, becoming Ogata Koan’s pupil, and rising to the position of the school’s principal, he continued along on the path of a grog artist. When he became the principal, he would always receive two coins in gold as a gift from each new student. He would then take his students out, and drink it all in one night.

In his autobiography, Yukichi always emphasizes “good conduct.” But then he also writes how whenever there was booze in front of him, he would turn into “a complete good-for-nothing with no sense of honor.”

Had it been just the fact that he personally liked to drink, that would have been no issue. But if you were a non-drinker visiting the Fukuzawa residence, you were in for pure agony.

What do you suppose would happen when you went there on a visit? Well, you would be offered a drink. Not just if it was in the evening, but even in the afternoon and in the morning. Sure, it shows how hospitable the man could be. Except he wasn’t really being hospitable at all—Yukichi just wanted to drink himself. It’s a bit of a frightening image, picturing a master of the house who forgets how to entertain his guests, only really waiting for visitors to come by so he himself has an excuse to get clobbered…

But this anecdote, too, is full of implications for the average salaryman.

If you are offered a drink, do not turn it down. You must understand that when you say “no thank you,” you risk making it awkward for the other party to drink, too. Sometimes, they really do mean it when they say they want you to drink without reservation. (Although in Yukichi’s case, he would drink even if the other person didn’t. But still.)

If you are offered a drink, and if you can drink, it is good manners to drink wholeheartedly and without a care about tomorrow or about the other person. This is something which new employees must not forget.

But the amazing thing about Yukichi was that no matter how much he drank, and no matter how much he might’ve messed around with his friends, he always worked hard.

There is hardly any difference between day and night for me.

I don’t even think to go to bed when it’s dark. Instead, I’m constantly reading. When I get exhausted from reading, I’ll just plop down on the desk and sleep right there, or I might sleep in the reception room, using the alcove as my pillow. Not even once in my life have I specifically laid out a futon, bedding, and pillow for sleeping.

(“Fukuou Jiden”)

That’s what his day-to-day life was like. He recalls that despite all the mischief and the drinking, not one of Ogata Koan’s pupils was more diligent in their studies than him. Unlike them, Fukuzawa knew little of the game of go, and he did not frequent teahouses.

Unusually enthusiastic when working and drunk off his ass any other time, Yukichi started to cut down on the booze in his thirties. He actually first tried to abstain from drinking while still a student at Koan’s school, but he pushed himself too hard—so much so that he picked up a smoking habit, ultimately leading him to becoming an expert in both vices.

Having learned from this bitter experience, he then made a three-year plan for himself. It was all very thorough. He quit drinking in the morning, quit drinking during the day, and lessened the amount he drank in the evening. (Well, rather than it being a matter of him being “thorough,” it’s really just that he used to drink way too much before.)

Some of you may be doubtful. “Did he really quit though?”

No, he didn’t quit—he moderated. Until the final years of Yukichi’s life, there would always be beer at his home. And whenever there were guests, the beers would come out just like they always had in the past. And, naturally, Yukichi would be drinking alongside them.

While I digress…

There is a possibility that Yukichi, who was a big fan of beer, was actually the first person in Japan to ever try said beverage. (Although it is just that—a possibility.)

The first historically known Japanese person to drink beer was Tamamushi Sadayu, a samurai from Sendai who the shogunate sent out as a record keeper on a mission to the United States in 1860. In Kobei Nichiroku, his journal about the visit, Tamamushi gave scathing criticism about things like the US military band’s performance and Western cuisine. It was only when it came to beer that he offered some words of praise.

The taste is bitter, but it is sufficient to moisten the mouth.

There were others joining Tamamushi on this mission, such as Katsu Kaishu and our own Yukichi. While it is not written about in any records, knowing of Yukichi’s subsequent conduct it’s probably safe to assume that he was right there guzzling down beer with them.

Speaking of beer, Yukichi was particularly fond of Yebisu Beer. Once, he wrote to a former student of his who worked at the manufacturer. “I bought some Yebisu Beer, but it was not good. True, it was me who asked your company to send me some. But even so, it tastes bad. Initially, I thought the problem was my palate. But I was then given some beer from the US, and that did taste good.” He warned them, “If this goes on, people are going to just start importing their beer instead.”

Even if you get plotzed, crocked, or tits-up, if the only problem you cause is having too much to drink, it’s ultimately no problem at all. As long as your usual performance outshines your failures, and as long as you don’t break the law, most things will be forgiven. Even if you shout at your boss’ family while stark naked, your face could still end up being printed on banknotes.

So drink, yes—but also work! Hang in there! Never give up, salaryman!

By the way, as for that house party I wrote about in the opening? I have not been invited back there ever since.