2008/08/15*Chihiro
『You listening…? What I mean by a crooked chin is,』
Yes yes. Yep, it’s me.
More in love with Maya than Alena when it comes to DQ4, this is Chihiro.
Alena’s really strong, but it’s like, how should I put it. She’s not wearing a loincloth. That’s no good. She doesn’t have enough sex appeal, she’s not showing enough skin. Ms. Diapers… err, I mean, princess…¹ Please study how to become proper woman and come again!! Rather than Killer Pierce, I like Merazooma and Ionazun better.²
Umm. The ROCK IN JAPAN FESTIVAL at Hitachinaka the other day was really fun. I got to talk with Chihiro Onitsuka a little. “Ah, your performance, it was so wonderful. I’m sorry, but hat fascinating restlessness was so lovely, I may have fallen in love. …Somehow my name’s “Chihiro” as well, really sorry about that.” I told her that and got to shake her hand afterwards.
But oh man, it’s just like I thought. The name “Chihiro”, it sure is awfully, exceedingly, extremely great, right? There’s people like Chihiro Iwasaki, and Chihiro Onitsuka, and, you know, that one guy. The drummer from 9mm and so on… right?
That guy, he has an evil look in his eyes, but he’s actually a surprisingly nice of a guy… He looks after his juniors and as for a strong point of his that merits a special mention, it’s above all that evil look in his eyes. He has a weakness for women, and rather than men’s penises, he prefers the female genitalia. He’s such a pure and honorable man.
Get him now while he’s cheap. Let me tell you all about him. Somehow, he also comes with a chopping board, and moreover! He also comes with a kitchen knife!! You can pick from a variety of 5 colors!! And despite all that, somehow! With tax included, he only makes for an incredible grand total of 9999,900,000,000,000 yen. How nice. As expected. We’re waiting for your orders!!
Japanet Japaneeeeeeet.
Ugh, I’ve had too much to drink. My bad, my bad….
¹ The Japanese words for “diaper” and “princess” sound similar. Kind of.
² Names of Dragon Quest spells/weapons/I don’t know.
2008/08/01*Chihiro
『If you have a crooked chin once in a while, it feels really good』
‘Tis been far too long.
With all my concentrated efforts, I pick up my writing brush.
This is the somewhat charming Chihiro.
We’re busy everyday. I, too, want to go with you to the beach of the everlasting summer in search of the legendary white bikini, but it doesn’t look like that dream is going to come true this summer. In any case, I just realized I’ve completely stopped writing here.
Every time I do write on here, I get a call from my dad (a result of the baby boom generation), and he gives me this overly serious sermon, angrily saying things like “Hey. You… do you have no discretion?” while getting his knickers in a twist. I can’t explain how humiliating it is.
Dammit. A lump (dankai) or a penis (dankon) or whatever, I don’t what it is my old man’s swinging around, but don’t you try that daddy-like shit on me. The next Father’s Day, I’ll send him a daikon radish (the root crop representative) where I’ve written “Happy Mother’s Day.” Along with enokikitake.
If you eat it grated with salad, it’s delicious. I recommend it. The hotness will disappear with time and it’ll become easy to eat. But on the other hand, the water-soluble vitamin C is going to steadily disappear, too, so try to eat it soon, yeah?
That’s all from “three-minute cooking with Chihiro.” Phew. =3。
(Attachment: the logo¹ for 9mm’s own label before joining Zankyo)
¹ “Masa_Ito“
2008/05/18*Chihiro
『You were wrapped in a bamboo mat, thrown in a river and drowned?』
Long time no talk.
Feeling the maternity blues lately, this is Chihiro.
Once upon a time… Something that happened a long, long time ago~
It was the hot summer of 2005.
Yokohama, the outskirts of Chinatown…
At the first ever 9mm band meeting, we were planning our first show.
After cleaning the room, the members put together this text at that very meeting.
I felt nostalgic, so it’s time I publish it.
Well, we gave up on using it though…
—————————————————
2005 AD, August 1st.
On this day, the end of the first era of the century is upon us…
~Our future together is aflame~
The people who are running about, trying to escape.
The Peking duck getting nuked.
The century egg fluttering about.
The chop suey going mad.
The Chinese manjuu that was to never again have steam rising from it.
From the park of Yokohama that has been reduced to rubble,
the Hikawa Maru is now departing on its last voyage.
The 20th Kanagawa Shinbun fireworks display vs. 9mm Parabellum Bullet.
Just who puts on the bigger festival?
It’s up to the men and women to decide on the summer’s greatest showdown.
In the end,
who will be able to draw in the most people?
On this day, come over and witness the shocking conclusion.
—————————————————
Now, as for the number of visitors. According to the results of the tally — it was by a narrow margin — the fireworks display had the upper hand.
There was variation of a mere 25 thousand in the number of attendees.
Everyone, it’s best to know your place.
There’s a time and place for everything…
Be careful.
2008/04/25*Chihiro
『Don’t become close with gross guys.』
Yes yes. ‘Tis Chihiro.
Me and Kazuhiko actually have a monthly feature in this print called “DROPS” by Shiseido. Each time I pick the no. 1 of whatever is the category in question — according entirely to my own arbitrary, narrow-minded, prejudiced and preconceived judgement. My one such manuscript for next month’s issue was rejected. Apparently, the subject matter wasn’t family-friendly enough. What a shame. Since it’d be a waste to just scrap it as I did go through the trouble of writing it, I’ll just publish it here.
——————————————————
This time, I ask those who are turned off by gross stuff to please refrain from reading. Just to give you an early heads-up. Those of you who are able to stare at an open large intestine surgery while stuffing your face with food, this is for you.
The topic this time around are the loved-by-all “torture & execution devices.” Things like these as well as photographs of dead bodies… I feel ashamed for having an interest in them. To me it’s something we the modern people don’t have in this age anymore: an important tool to help us reaffirm the joy and meaning in our lives. It’s a way to study humanity through the dark history of convicts.
Although we did have some in our own country as well, the variety of these gadgets was very rich in medieval Europe. “Iron Maiden” is one of the more famous ones. “A thorny casket imitating a woman’s body. A person is put in and skewered by spikes, missing the vital organs.” “The outer walls of the pitfall trap are covered with knives. Once reaching the bottom, all that remains are small lumps of human meat.” What calculating execution apparatuses. The human intellect sure is wonderful.
But there’s also many that aren’t as gross. The painless guillotine is one cute example. “Placing scorching hot pots etc. on one’s head/burning” “Forcibly plucking off women’s nipples/nipple removal device” “Letting rats or countless of ants eat the body or genital area/animal punishment“… etc. But, after all, if there’s one that’s not exceedingly brutal or gross but is very painful, it’s the “Pear of Anguish“. It’s quite popular. “Forcibly inserted into either the vagina, anus or mouth, the pear expands with use of the handle, tearing skin and pulverizing bone.” Hee, isn’t that just lovely. I think this guy gets the no. 1 this time.
See, one who knows pain also knows how to be kind to others. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. Alright, I was able to wrap this up nicely. See ya.
2008/04/01*Chihiro
『Shinano no kuni wa jyuusu ni.¹』
It’s been a reaaally long time. I ought to write once in a while.
A senior-like senor, this is Chihiro.
I’m sure there has to be some guy out there who pronounces “senior” as “senor”.
Well, there’s me. Forgot in all my thoughtlessness.
…It’s not like I was being lazy with writing on the blog. It just smelled like trouble. Things like printed media, rehearsals, commutes for shows, the monthlies… I had a lot going on.
Watching Kiki’s Delivery Service the other day, it reminded me of how I wanted to become a witch. Well, back when I was in kindergarten anyway. I really wanted to become one.
But, you know, nowadays I’ve already grown ○nge, so I’ve given up.
I think some among you might be confused right now, so let me just clear that up for you.
You put “chi” inside the ○, not “ma“. (Chinge = penis hair, mange = vagina hair)
Don’t get me wrong… it’s just that it’s easy to make a mistake there, so be careful.
If I had man○ down there, I’d be going all “mahariku maharita“² right about now.
As a child, a jedi knight
In middle school, the captain of Space Battleship Yamato
In senior high school, a Spriggan archeologist
In college, a researcher for the secret military agency NERV
As a graduate student, a really cool adult
…is what I wanted to become.
And right now… I want to become John Rambo.
I wonder if you’re all still hanging on to your dreams.
For me, my dreams all disappeared completely as if they were mere bubbles.
A life of non-committed half-assedness spent lying around and shitting your pants — though fun — is something you can let someone else do instead. Before the chances of you realizing your dreams are non-existant, you should chase after them with all your power.
Don’t join the class of dropouts like me.
I pray that you consider what I’ve just said.
(Attachment: A charm I bought as 20-year-old admirer of Rambo and Yu Ominae. It’s really sharp.)
¹ Opening lyric of Nagano’s prefectural song “Shinano no Kuni“.
² Witch lingo, don’t know the English equivalent. What do English-speaking witches say?
2008/02/23*Chihiro
『”Mori no Kokage de Cool Biz“¹ by Korpi』
(Attachment: the maestro, me and alcohol)
Aaaahhh… I understand time must go on, but don’t you think it’s doing so just a liiittle bit too fast? Just a while ago we were on tour and now we’re already busy with recording. Once in a while I want to go on some Southern island, forget about time and just take it easy. Oh dear. Such a precocious child, this is Chihiro.
For the time being, just remove the time axis from my space-time continuum, Mr. Albert=Einstein. Huh? It’s impossible? Actually I was just thinking the same myself. Looks like you and me are gonna get along.
At the wrap-up party for our tour finale, I was able to spend time with the great maestro of drumming Makoto Takahashi who played in one BOΦWY. He was too kind. “I-I, the first thing I ever tried covering on the drums was the intro to B・BLUE!! That snare attack, it was seriously, seriously the best!!” After telling him that, he profoundly, gently nodded his head several times while patting me on the shoulder, and said “Ahhh, that one… yep, I really banged hard on those drums that time!!!!” Yaaaay♪♪ Heh hee~☆
Next to him, the current president and former director of Capitol, Mr. J.K, was saying “Yep. Mm-hmm. You were really banging on them that time. Mm-hmm.” while recalling their past memories. According to Mr. Takahashi: “Hotei would tell me that I didn’t need to play during certain parts.” Mr. Hotei… as expected. I wish I shared the same luck as Mr. Takahashi.
I was moved by the exchange of stories and got utterly smashed from the alcohol we were having, and so I shouted out “This is the best. I wouldn’t mind to just be completely erased by a harsh wind at this point!! So you couldn’t even hear my last words!!” …Or, well, that’s what Takuro told me the day after anyway. That’s the kind of party it was.
Oh. The recordings are going all right. I guess I should say something like “I ask that you look forward to it” while looking cool. But, as I thought, that does seem like I’m being self-important which I don’t like… so I guess saying “well… look forward to it I guess?” would look more modest and thus better. This just goes to show I’m a weakling full of vanity. Not having self-confidence is also uncool.
Ah well. Since I genuinely believe we created something good, I’ll proudly stand behind it.
Wait for iiit.
(Attachment: my cockpit. I like Perfect Gundam and stuff, so I added a bit of equipment.)
¹ Official Japanese translation of the song title “Under The Sun” by the band Korpiklaani.
2008/01/22*Chihiro
『The Winter Research Project ~The Ecology of Junji Ishiwatari~』
2nd grade, Class 2
Chihiro Kamijo
1. The motive of the research
Mr. Ishiwatari is cool, so I thought I’d like to know more about what kind of a person he is.
Thus, I’m going to observe him.
2. The purpose of the research
I’ll look at Mr. Ishiwatari’s daily life, try to find all the cool things he’s doing and then steal them for myself. Then I’ll become cool as well.
3. The methods used in the research
I’ll observe by eavesdropping on conversations between 9mm something or other blah blah something and Mr. Ishiwatari.
4. Observation results
・ Mr. Ishiwatari is consistently very cool.
・ Likes subcultures.
・ Stylish.
・ Gets in high spirits when 9mm makes sounds of explosion.
・ Doesn’t have sexual desires towards chatmonchy.
・ Isn’t a homo, however.
・ Isn’t gay.
・ Ignores me when I say dirty jokes.
・ When asked about lyrics, he replied “Kamijo, you really don’t know anything huh?”
・ Ignored me when I asked him what rock music is.
・ Nodded when I asked him if he hates me.
・ Generally ignores me.
5. Final reflections & the challenges I face from now on
During my observation, I became good friends with Mr. Ishiwatari.
Thus, I believe I became cool as well.
I’ll do my best to quickly become more like Mr. Ishiwatari.
(Attachment: the autograph I got from Junji on his book. …Liar.)
“To Kamijo
I’ve liked 9mm ever since around Three Out Change¹.
Junji Ishiwatari
2008.1.10”
¹ Three Out Change is the first album by SUPERCAR, a band Junji was a member of. It came out in 1998 whereas 9mm only formed in 2004.
チェンジ
2007/12/23*Chihiro
『An instrument is a mirror reflecting its player’s nature.』
It’s been around 2007 years since The Three Wise Men from the east struggled as they made their way into Bethlehem. The city’s full of illumination. Christmas is near.
Having been told at fortune-telling that my lucky item of the day is “pigs’ feet”, this is Chihiro. That’s terrible.
Thank you for attending our tour. During our tour I received several fan letters and I find that recently it seems girls really like dirty jokes — the letters are full of everyone asking me to write more. Now, about that…
Even though I do try and keep a sense of style as I write about vulgar stuff, all I get is a bunch of “that’s no good” from my manager. As a result, I have to choose different, more half-hearted words to express what I want to say. “Pervert“, “too lewd” and “you’re the worst” are just some of the words of abuse from that person whom I properly hear out with respect. It’s not like I don’t understand the feelings of the people who say those things to me. However… it’s apparent they just don’t know “the real thing.“
At the end of the day, I’m nothing more than just “a normal person trying to act like a pervert.” I wholly acknowledge and agree that my skills as a pervert are pathetic. See, the real perverts are really, really, really, really perverted. A “frivolous pervert” like me is completely useless. It appears that they detest witty, foolish people like me. I’m not too sure they’ll let it slide when someone like me is seen as being one of “them.” Observing the world from up above, I wonder just what it is that they’re doing in preparation of my ruin.
I tried writing in all seriousness for a change. It’s no good to just be thinking about music and perverted things all the time. Books and movies, too, are good for self-improvement.
Oh. Erotic novels and porn videos, too. In reasonable amounts.
(Attachment: Taki, engineer and Junji)
2007/12/16*Kamijo
『Are you prepared to feel pain in order to know the truth?』
Not long to go until the year-end office closing. You have my deepest sympathies for having to work through what is sure to be a busy time at the office.
Poor at being caressed by someone, this is Chihiro.
Phew…
I feel like my dirty pervert character has reached full saturation.
Although it’s something I established myself, the real me is actually not that vulgar.
See, there was a game of rock-paper-scissors held amongst the members to determine our characters. Me, I just unintentionally ended up with the “pervert” one… (big lie). Maybe it would’ve just been easier to leave deciding our characters up to the director.
At festivals and stuff when we’re partying with lots of band guys, if they’re meeting me for the first time, I’m often told that in such informal situations my face looks completely different compared to when I’m up on the stage or in pictures published on the blog or in magazines. For people far greater than I, the difference is sure to be even more noticeable.
“People who think celebrities act the same way in real life as they do on TV are idiots” is something I’ve been told before. Right, well that’s what one would usually think right. Well, I’m not exactly a celebrity, but anyway. But for people with class, that actually can be true. Me, I’m of the lower class, so it can often can take a long time for me to comprehend things. To summarize, what I’m trying to say is, “only trust what you’ve seen to be true with your own eyes.” Like they say in the IT field, this is an era of a superabundance of gossip.
Ah crap. This unintentionally ended up looking like a really weak explanation due to my drunkenness. Writing it from scratch would be a bother… what should I do… uhh…
Un○, man○, chin○, shik○!!!
For now, just forgive me with this ↑ please.
Hint: you put “ko” inside all the ○’s. (Which quite eloquently makes for “shit, pussy, dick, piss“)
No longer able to ditch my character after such a long time, this was Chihiro.
(Attachment: a towering Taki and a building)
2007/12/10*Kamijo
『Zakkuru are niiice.』
I don’t have anything to write abooout.
These Zakkuru are so delicious, my head feels like it’s going to meeelt.
Tohato, you guys are doing good work.
…Bowel movement.
Excrement, removal.